Well, where do I start?
I have a date on Saturday.
And I don't want to go. Really, I do not want to go.
See, the thing is I'm ridiculously monogomous. To the point where if I'm interested in someone, that's it for me. I don't even look at other guys. Ever.
A few weeks back, I came to the conclusion that I just need to give up on Mr. Crush. I'm tired of waiting. I'm 38, I've never been married, and I'm tired of coming home to an empty house. Trust me, I look around and all I see is what's missing. Someone to share my life with. Someone to just be there ~ someone to sit with, someone to talk to, someone to just be
with. Deep down, I think Mr. Crush could be that for me. I know he could. I know this isn't one-sided. I know when he looks at me ~ there's just a look.
So, I was talking to my best friend and said the following 5 words that set this all in motion: I need to start dating.
And thus sealed my fate.
I'm not a dater. Never have been. I don't trust easy and I'm not good around people I don't know. So the one-on-one thing has never been a good option for me. I've dated, sure. But I always knew the guy well first.
So, last night I went to meet my best friend at her work and was talking to another friend of mine while I waited for her. Anyway, this friend has a friend who's single and is looking. So, this friend called her friend and he wants to meet me. (This all went on without my knowledge, by the way). So, evidently we're all going out as a group. And I don't want to. Really, I really don't.
Going back to the ridiculously monogomous thing. I want Mr. Crush, even though I need to give up on him, I still want him. I don't want this Larry person. I want Mr. Crush to open his stupid blind beautiful blue eyes and follow-up on the damn flirting he's been doing with me for way too long.
So, what do I do? Do I go out with this Larry person even though I've never met him, even though I know I'm not interested? Do I lay the gauntlet down with Mr. Crush and tell him he just needs to jump on it? Do I just chalk it all up to bad timing and move on? Do I tell Mr. Crush I have a date in the hopes that maybe he'll realize that I have other options? And does that seem too much like I'm using this Larry person to do that, because I don't want to do that either.
I really hate this. And I really hate the fact that my friends have done this to me, even though I'm the one who opened my big mouth and said I needed to start dating.
Okay ~ yes, I do need to start dating. If it's not going to happen with Mr. Crush, it's bound to happen with someone else right? But I need to date in order to find out, don't I?
I really, really hate this.
Labels: Dating, Mr. Crush, Ramblings